So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
