I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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