Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
