Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
are you still at the devil's house?
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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