If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
