I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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