Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
