it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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