i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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