im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
