i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
