the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
