Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
