I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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