I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
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