I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
