i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
