You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
