This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
