How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
