If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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