Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
