i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
