i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
