Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize