Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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