O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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