New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
