I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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