Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
