My first STD was from a foam party
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
