I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
