god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize