his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
