Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
