Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think a kid would responsible me up
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
