she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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