I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize