Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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