oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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