Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
