just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
