Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
