So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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