If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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