What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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