Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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