i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
