Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize