I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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