At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
