Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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