i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
