My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
There are leaves in my underwear?
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