This is not my ceiling
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
