WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
