i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
