I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize