I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
