is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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