It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
