you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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