It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
