just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize