i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
well you can't waste a boner
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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