i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
