wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
