I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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