dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
