we have officially lost it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
