worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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