I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
