pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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