i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize