Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
