What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
