Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
