ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
