if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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