i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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