If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
