i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
