You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
