I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I understand Curling. That high.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
