i don't like sucking hair
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize