Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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