I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize