her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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