Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
