He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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