Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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