The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
