Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
