so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
