Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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