I just made out with a guy for $7.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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