Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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