So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
