wrigley field is MILF paradise
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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