dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
