Soap is not a condiment
handjob tips. give me some.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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