If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
