I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
