He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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