How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
