No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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