I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
