Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
