Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
