I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
